Why yes, I know where everyone is at every second of the workday.

Why is that everyone thinks that the person who answers the phone knows all? I mean, really, don't just assume that I know everyone's schedule at any given time. I get so tired of people calling the office, and when I tell them so and so is not in they proceed to ask me when he'll be back. I have NO IDEA! I'm not his secretary. Don't assume the person that answers the phone also handles everyone's calendar and knows exactly where any given person is and when he'll be back and what he has scheduled the rest of the day or week or month.

And I love this one, you tell them he's on another line and they ask you how long he's going to be on the phone. Do I really know?! Do you have any idea how long you're going to be on the phone? Then how am I supposed to know how long someone else is going to be on the phone?

Or this one, when they don't want to leave a message with you, they want voicemail. I'll say, "He's not in, may I take a message?" And they proceed with, "Can I have his voicemail?" No, you can't, if he had voicemail I wouldn't have asked to take a message! We are a little Gadsden law firm with only three attorneys, we don't have individual voicemail. We have one voicemail for the entire office (through AT&T) that only picks up when all three phone lines are occupied or no one is here. I can't give you his voicemail! I can't transfer you to the office voicemail. Our phone system is from the late '80s. No kidding. My phone on my desk at this very moment is dated 14 Oct 88. Seriously.

Oh, and one more, when we get wrong numbers and people are just in disbelief that they dialed the wrong number. Our phone number is very close to Alagasco's number, so we get people calling here all the time wanting the gas company. And I'll answer "Good Morning, Ford, Howard & Cornett," to which they reply, "Is this not Alagasco?" Um, no. If it was Alagasco would have I have said FORD, HOWARD & CORNETT? No, I would have said, "Good Morning, Alagasco." Pay attention, people! Or I'll answer the usual, and they don't even bother to ask if this is the gas company, they just start in about their gas bill, etc. Wake up! Does your gas bill say Ford, Howard & Cornett on it? I'll bet you a million dollars that it doesn't.